I have these feelings for quite a while. It seems that I’ve lost my purpose. I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t have aim. I just don’t. All these while I keep saying I’m still studying. But in fact, I’m not. Not exactly. I haven’t study, or even go to class for a quite a while. It’s a long while. What I am now? I’m a NEET; not in education, employed or training. Something around that.
I used to say that I like to live my life following the flow. I like being carefree. But in reality, carefree is not free. Instead it is very costly. I used to work as part-time as promoter. But it’s been a while since the last time I work. It used to be my sole income to sustain my carefree life. It’s not that I don’t want to work, but I rarely get the job nowadays. I guess mainly due to the today’s economy. The company cut off a lot of job placement, resulting me not having a job and being a NEET.
These days, I live sole just to survive. Just to being able to at least eat once or twice a day. I rarely go out for entertainment or leisure. At most, it’s just hanging around with a bunch of friend in the area. Even that maybe with a cup of tea and some plain water. Maybe food if I haven’t ate all day.
I could say that my life now is very gloomy. Nothing seems to work that well for me. I felt empty. I used to love not having a job and procrastinate, but now it seems like nothing. It seems that I don’t have purpose anymore. But maybe someday I will recover. When will it be? I’ll never know.